There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to

use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.

Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible.

Whether it be empty Coke cans laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or integrated circuits,

it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.

There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or

style, he organizes his by pile. Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a yellow

subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".

Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to impress their teachers, not to get money from their parents, and not to

be educated, but they do it so they can hopefully get a scholarship to MIT. You can't blame them, though, if they are looking

out into space. It might be because they are worried if MCI traced the calls that they sent to NORAD.

All Hackers, big or small, love computers, whether they be Trash-80's or an IBM 360/VM workstation. When they get on one,

it's mighty hard to get them off of it.

There are 2 types of Hackers. One who likes to crash local BBS's, and the one who writes programs in Assembly Language. The

Hacker who crashes systems is the one that most people think that a Hacker is. A typical example of one is John Fredrickson

(A.K.A. "The Phone Man"). He loves to crash computers, and break into illegal systems. The ones that he has gotten in to are

MCI, CitiBank, school systems, IBM, Southern Bell, and Georgia Tech, not to mention all the ones in between.

The second type of Hacker is the programmer. He writes games, utilities, and anything else that he can think of. Take for

example, John Harris, a freelance software writer for On-Line Software Co. John had a brainstorm one day, and decided to

write Frogger for the Apple. He thought that it would take about 3 weeks to complete. He started on Frogger a week late,

because of the complicated music set that he had to write. After two months, he was almost done. He decided to take a break

and go to the Software Expo. He decided to take his nearly completed Frogger, and show it to the consumers at the show. He

also took with him the only back-up copy, in case the main disk did not boot.

While at the fair, he was talking to the Manager about getting a booth. He had his disks with him. Then, when he got a booth

reserved, he reached down to get his disks, and they were gone! All his hard work, including the MultiLevel character

generator, music lines, disk subroutines, assembly routines, debugging programs, etc. All gone.

After that tragedy, John was in a deep depression. He finally started working on it again in 3 months. He completed it in 4

months and 3 days.

Part Two:

Hackers always take time off. There is always one way to notice a true Hacker. At a party, the true Hacker is the one in the

corner talking about operating system security and how to get around it. At the beach, the True Hacker is the one drawing

flow charts in the sand. At a football game, the true Hacker is the one comparing the football plays against a simulation

printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.

Most Hackers work for the U.S. Government-- mainly the Department of Defense. You can see the best Hackers at the Jet

Propulsion Laboratory in California.

What sort of environment does a Hacker function best in? No, not a heated room with a clean table and disks organized neatly,

but they do best in rooms that have line-printed Snoopy calendars from the year 1969. They do not know how to cook, so they

survive on Twinkies and coffee. Instead of wasting electricity for a heater, they spend it on air-conditioners to cool of

their computer system in mid-January when the temperatures are below freezing. They wear layers and layers of clothing to

keep the body heat in. When you see one of these people, instead of a Hacker coming into your mind, you think that he is

about to go on a Polar expedition somewhere in the North Pole.

Hackers also like to hang around arcades. (This is also true for kids, little old ladies, and fighter pilots.) There,

secluded in their

own environment, Hackers can talk freely on computer hints and short cuts while playing Pac-Man, or Joust.

All Hackers like Graphics. They like low-resolution, but prefer high-resolution the best. These graphics, such as Sine waves,

rotating 3-D boxes, and little balloons, are confined to the limits of a systems capability. The older more experienced

Hackers are the ones who are lucky enough to get to work on a VAX system, and maybe even a CRAY-1 SuperComputer. If they use

these, they have only the limits of their imagination to stop them.

Most Middle School Hackers between the ages of 10 through 14, like to use computers to do reports on, and play games. Some of

these younger generation Hackers have gotten into BASIC programming.

Some people, like to impress real Hackers by making them think that they know everything. There is a name for this kind of

person. He is a Sub-Hacker (Intillectuous dumbfoundeth). For instance, you come up to them one day, and say,"Hey so-and-so

what does BASIC stand for?" and you could sit there for days, and he would act like the answer was on the tip of his tongue,

when it was probably in his toes. It is people like this that give Hackers a bad name.

Part Three:

All Hackers have rules that they go by. One is to never call long distance on Monday, because of the high phone charge. If

builders built buildings they way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that comes along would destroy

civilization. Another is, if the computer accepts a program on the first run without any errors, either there is a

malfunction, or it must be a dream.

Hackers are a unique breed. Combining intelligence, personality, and a morale sense of good taste. A Hacker enjoys the

environment that appeals to him the most. Such as, the computer room, the arcade, science lab, or the Atari downstairs. They

like to be alone. Secluded in their own thoughts, thinking of what the password could be to log on to General Electric.

Hackers are the people who are going to make our future brighter, and more exciting in the field of electronics, data

processing, artificial intelligence, and programming. We need to support these people in all the ways that we can, so we will

be insured of a more happier future in the world of technological advancements.

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.